Unlike previous blogs I have been inspired to write this from a personal level, recently I have been taking my son to a club called Firestorm on a Friday night to play a card game called “Magic the Gathering”. We were both new to this type of thing and for me it was far out of my comfort zone; but we have to do what we have to do for our children, little did I know this would be one of the best decisions I ever made. This blog isn’t so much about the game itself but how it has created this society made up of people each with their own story and an environment of healing and support. The amazing thing about this is it was not intended to be like this, it was solely a place to play the game, I would like to think they don’t realise the magnitude of this environment for people. I’ve attended a few “Friday night Magic” events and every time I walk through the door I look around and see people who in other situations and environments would potentially struggle to thrive, with people who struggle with such a wide range of psychosocial and psychological problems, NOT ALL I might add, but you could say more than average in this type of gathering. However in this environment they do thrive, they are comfortable, but why, why this environment? It didn’t take me long to realise that these people were there for each other, they all showed so much empathy and understanding without knowing why, they welcomed myself and my son with open arms, they helped him build his card deck even giving him expensive cards to play with, without a second thought, they listened to him, they took time out of their day for him, my son is already blossoming in this new environment, and so am I. So how does this translate into it being a therapeutic blessing, well as mentioned above the environment offers a safe and comforting place for anyone who wants to play, or if they just want to meet new people and become more sociable. But the game itself requires a lot of brain power, and can be likened to playing chess, which itself has studies pointing to it helping with depression and anxiety. So the very act of playing the game in my opinion can keep your mind active and like exercise is good for your mental health. Couple this environment and the game together we create a perfect atmosphere for people who struggle with a wide range of potential problems to heal and relax. It is important to say that if you suffer with any form of mental health, there are clubs and groups out there that you can attend that aim to recreate this environment, and doing this can help you on your journey of recovery. A huge thank you to Firestorm in Cardiff, and everyone who plays and helps create this therapeutic blessing.
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A recipe for successful counselling
I am often asked by potential clients what the process is and what to expect from counselling, so it occurred to me to try and find an understandable and easy way to explain this. So, if you follow the below recipe, you could be on your way to a brighter future. Preparation Time: I would recommend at least 1 week prep time (depending on how urgent the circumstances). Cook Time: Approx. 5–10 x 50 minute sessions (depending on how many issues covered) Ingredients:
Equipment:
Method Step 1: Are you ready for help? Combine a large wedge of willingness and 1 heaped tablespoon of acceptance. As they say for many things “when you know you know”, and this can be said about therapy. It is important that you only enter counselling because it is what YOU want. You must be ready and willing to share your problems and willing to work towards your goals. Step 2: Who to choose? Pour your mix of willingness and acceptance into your access to internet or phone to create a Qualified Counsellor. There are a lot of fantastic counsellors out there, and in the same breath there are a lot of terrible ones, so when choosing a counsellor ensure you check their credentials. Including whether they are registered with a governing body such as the National counselling society or the British Association of counselling and psychotherapy, and they should all be on the accredited voluntary register. Step 3: Make contact. Add 3 tsp of courage to 200g of support and mix well. Have a conversation and ensure that they are suitable to your needs. You should then ask any questions you might have about their experience and/or their approach to your situation. If you are happy the counsellor will arrange to do an initial assessment. Mix Steps 1 – 3 to create a Comfortable Environment Step 4: Initial Assessment. Sprinkle 1 pinch of commitment into the mixture. Information gathering where you will be asked questions about your medical history, presenting problem and confidentiality agreement. It is also a time for you to decide whether you feel happy and content with this counsellor to proceed with treatment. Step 5: Bake for 5-10 x 50minute sessions. Explore and work with your counsellor on your problems with you the client leading the direction. The counsellor will use different methods and techniques to help you overcome the issues presented. Step 6: Remove from oven and leave cool. Review treatment every 5 sessions to ensure you are still happy with the progress and the course of treatment. So I hope this has given you an insight into how the therapy process can look, if you have any questions, why not contact me or leave a comment below. Eastenders - Steven Beale
The examination of defence mechanisms in people displaying extreme anxiety. This comparison is an effective way to talk about topics using fictional examples based on theoretical characters, I am in no way making light of these serious conditions. Some assumptions were made in order to complete the case study. Patient: Steven Beale Age: Late 20s Background: Steven was born into what should have been a loving family, except the paternity of his father Ian was brought into question and it was later found out that Ian was not his biological father. His mother and father had a difficult relationship and his mother went as far as trying to kill his father Ian, before dying herself in prison. The relationship between him and his father Ian was since that moment tumultuous and somewhat strained. It is fair to say Steven had many issues growing up and got himself into very difficult and dangerous situations- taking Ian hostage, accidentally shooting his step mother Jane (leaving her unable to have her own children), blackmailing his family and even plotting to kill his grandmother Pat. Steven has lived in New Zealand for many years with his biological father Simon Wicks, and has made a life for himself after having spent time in a psychiatric hospital in England following the a fore mentioned troubles. He returned to the UK not long ago, with Lauren as his girlfriend. Lauren was his brother’s fiancé and is the mother of Louie who is his nephew. Case: Steven has just found out that his girlfriend has terminated the pregnancy of his baby, he doesn’t believe she still loves him and thinks she is still in love with Louie’s father; his brother Peter. He also is adamant that she is having an affair with her boss and plotting to leave him. Steven’s controlling nature has escalated and started off with him telling Lauren what she could wear, poking holes in condoms to ensure Lauren would fall pregnant with his baby and eventually bugging her phone so he could track her every movement. He also installed a spy camera so that he could watch and listen to everything that she did at work. This control has now got to the point where he wants to ensure that she cannot leave him, he told her that he has an inoperable brain tumour. How could she leave him now? Who would say “I don’t love you” to a dying man? Cue the Duff Duffs. Analysis: Steven clearly has a background of mixed fortunes and psychological trauma, I would assume that when considering all of the above he has been left with a fear of losing people close to him, abandonment and not ever being the strong successful Beale that his father Ian wants him to be (due to the fact that he will never be a true Beale). Family and legacy has played a negative role in the whole of Steven’s upbringing and he wants to ensure that he can create a family and legacy of his own, one that Ian would be proud of and stamp himself as a true Beale. All of this has seemed to fester in his mind to create an ever-debilitating form of anxiety. Now when someone suffers with anxiety our clever brain strikes again and creates a defence mechanism in order to keep us safe. The most common of which is avoidance. This is where we avoid people or situations in order to avoid the negative experience of the anxiety happening again. However, in the case of Steven his brain chose a different defence mechanism, this being control. Instead of avoiding the situation he will try to control every situation which in turn would suggest he is controlling, or in control of his anxiety. Mostly we think of anxiety as being a weakness and debilitating. We think of people with anxiety as wall flowers, shy and unobtrusive. However, Steven comes across as powerful, manipulative and controlling. His control being his biggest strength is actually defending himself against his anxiety which is his biggest weakness. It is a poetic juxtaposition and one that from an outside perspective can be hard to understand. Treatment: Anxiety can be a feeling of dread and fear that is caused mostly by previous negative experiences that make us “anxious” when confronted with a similar situation. For example, imagine you are walking through a shopping centre and your trousers and pants fall down, you trip over naked in front of hundreds of people and everyone laughs. The next day you avoid the shopping centre in case the same thing happens and you have to go through that painful experience again. The odds of this happening are minute but the more you avoid the route to work the greater the anxiety will grow, before you know it you are no longer just anxious of shopping centres but you are anxious of being outside completely. This is just one example of how anxiety can come about and obviously depending on the type of anxiety one has and the defence mechanism being portrayed would depend entirely on the detail of the treatment. Treatment of this form of defence mechanism is a tough one due to the very nature of it, as people using this control tend not to ask for help as it would involve handing over control. If they do ask for help they may try to control the environment and what is said, so we tend to see these clients when they are at or past crisis point. This is the point where things have broken down well past the original issues, and the act or issue that he is trying to avoid happening is the very thing that starts to come true. For example, Lauren finding out about his lies and leaving him, Ian disowning him for good or friends and family judging him. When treating any anxiety or defence mechanism I would use CBT, cognitive behavioural therapy, in order to break the cognitive cycle. This is how we process thoughts feelings and reactions. Essentially, I am looking to reprogram the thought process to change the maladaptive behaviour to a more progressive one. His defence mechanism of control is maladaptive meaning it is no longer of any use to him and I would be looking to either break down the defence mechanism entirely, or ensure that his defence against his anxiety was a healthier one. If you or anyone you know is suffering with anything discussed in this blog , please contact your GP or local counsellor to ask for support, or if you would like to know more about the topics covered please feel free to contact me. Examining the cause and effect of PTSD and Disassociation
This comparison is an effective way to talk about topics using fictional examples based on theoretical characters, I am in no way making light of these serious conditions. Some assumptions were made in order to complete the case study. Patient: Theon Greyjoy Age: Early 20’s Background: Only living son of Balon Greyjoy and heir to the throne of the Iron Isles. Conquered Winterfell and further asserted his authority by killing two young boys; heirs to Winterfell. Greyjoy was then taken hostage by enemy Ramsey Bolton, a sadistic manipulator who seized Winterfell and kept Greyjoy for his tortured play thing and captor. Case: Prior to his capture Greyjoy was a confident conqueror, things were definitely looking good for him and his ego. He was the only rightful heir to his kingdom, he had just taken over a huge and significant land and was planning his next move to power. Everything about him is brimming with confidence, he was almost untouchable and this is the key to understanding his demise into “Reek” (his damaged alter-ego). Bolton; a man with no limits to his sadistic nature (whose psychological torment would require a whole new case!), holds Greyjoy in a dark candle lit room. Tied to a large wooden cross and stripped of his clothes, dignity and power! Greyjoy is whipped, sliced and beaten, whilst also suffering psychological abuse at the hands of Bolton who openly displays his enjoyment at watching his emotional vulnerability (it could be suggested that Bolton also receives sexual gratification from watching his pain). Greyjoy’s finger and then penis is chopped off by Bolton who taunts and mocks him for his shortcomings. What could Bolton possibly achieve from this heinous act? I could argue that it wasn’t so much about the pain and the torture but the end psychological affect. This act of castration stripped Greyjoy further back by taking his manhood and his ability to father an heir to his family’s name. Psychologically Bolton now holds Greyjoy’s masculinity, identity, sexuality and life in his hands! Literally! Analysis: So we now have a man who has endured unimaginable pain, his physical and emotional make up has started to decompose. This is where we see the real capabilities of the human brain; all of this trauma and torture has triggered one of the brain’s most amazing yet problematic defence mechanisms; disassociation. We essentially wipe out and revert to nothing, a former shadow of one’s self or sometimes even to a child. The events happening are too much and too painful to deal with, the beginnings of a condition called PTSD (Post traumatic stress disorder). This coupled with the complete breakdown of Greyjoy’s ability to withstand any more physical trauma “Reek” is born. This is a condition people face after many different types of trauma, it is commonly associated with the Armed forces, and other blue light services, but the truth of the matter is anyone can suffer with it after a traumatic event. During disassociation we can become easily influenced. Imagine rain water erasing the ink of a book, leaving blank pages to be written on by a new author, the end result would still be a book but could have a completely different story. In other situations when someone suffers disassociation or a PTSD episode they may be 100% convinced they are in another environment or are in a previous time in their lives, how someone reacts to these conditions is a very independent experience and varies from person to person. In the case of Bolton he is able to flex his sadistic muscles and convince Greyjoy of his “new personality”, a sad defenceless Dog like creature called Reek who is a loyal servant to Bolton. He baths him, fetches his wine and dinner and caters to his every need. Greyjoy now truly believes he is Reek, he no longer associates with his previous name Theon Greyjoy. Eventually Reek (Greyjoy) is able to escape the torture and free himself from Bolton. A face from the past manages to revert his brain back to Greyjoy, however when faced with a situation that reminds him of the control he encountered and fear he had he quickly reverts back to Reek. This is a very common occurrence for PTSD sufferers. When faced with another event of a similar magnitude to that which caused the initial decline, the brain uses disassociation as a coping mechanism. Treatment: In today’s world there are many different treatments for PTSD and disassociation, including EMDR, which is Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. EMDR seems to have a direct effect on the way that the brain processes information. Normal information processing is resumed. Therefore following a successful EMDR session a person no longer relives the images, sounds and feelings when the event is brought to mind. You still remember what happened, but it is less upsetting and becomes less of a trigger for disassociation. Another treatment being CBT, Cognitive behavioural therapy. Although these are not the only forms of treatment they are well researched and proven techniques, if you would like to know more about how they work please see the links below. If you or someone you know is suffering with any of the conditions mentioned in the above please contact your GP. http://www.emdria.org/?page=emdr_therapy http://www.cbtcardiff.co.uk/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMI8c_OnoPG1QIVop3tCh0n2Qx2EAAYASAAEgKkMvD_BwE "Nearly 750,000 people a year are left to grieve the completed suicide of a family member or loved one, and are left not only with a sense of loss, but with a legacy of shame, fear, rejection, anger and guilt." Grief Counselling and Grief Therapy, p179, 2010.
So why can’t we talk? Selfish. Cowardly. Cheap way out. Shame. Words that have been used more often than not when discussing suicide. The topic of suicide is taboo. If someone reports a loss, we are programed with a response, a response of love, warmth, supportiveness and sympathy. Why wouldn't we? Death is a natural part of life: some we lose too soon, some live long and fulfilled lives; but above all we don't make the decision when our time is up. So why when someone choses to take their own life do we find it far more difficult to ask for help in the grieving process? Why can’t we talk? Some go to the lengths of creating elaborate stories to cover the suicide, others may go into denial and not share the loss at all. Those left behind can inherit a sense of responsibility for the suicide, where they feel they contributed to the reasons or failed to prevent the death. I feel responsible, I feel guilt and therefore why would I admit to being responsible for someone’s death? Taking your own life is a choice, a very difficult and drastic choice and potentially the individual may see no other options, but nevertheless it is a choice, so does this change how we perceive these types of losses? Why can’t we talk? Selfish. Cowardly. Cheap way out. Shame. The way in which someone dies should not change how you grieve. Loss is loss. Admittedly some losses are perceived easier to grieve than others, however are we making it more difficult for people to grieve by judging the ways in which the death occurred? Why can’t we talk? We can talk. Let’s talk. Let’s break the stigma. Let’s start the conversation. If you know someone who needs to talk about suicide or are concerned about suicidal thoughts please contact the Samaritans on 116 123 free of charge from any phone. We can talk. Let’s talk. |
AuthorMy Name is Toby Messer, and I'm a dedicated and passionate Therapist in south Wales. I have spent 4 years training, and many more working with clients. I am truly passionate about working with mental health and supporting others, this is why I felt the need to write this Blog as many people may not seek support directly, so I hope that I can offer some insight to help people. Archives
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